Post by Paws on Sept 23, 2011 22:34:57 GMT -5
One of my most favorite stories to have been written is finally completed. There is actually more to the story that I've yet to write, but besides that, the core of it is done and I'm very proud of what I've come up with. Feedback would be most appreciated.
And for those not familiar with the characters mentioned:
Benji- A chee-husky (cheetah/husky hybrid) who was the "leader" of the three-band group. Used to be a little bit of a bully, but is now malicious and bloodthirsty.
Gilbert- A chocolate lab mix, and a member of the three-band group. Very laid-back and chill most of the time. His girlfriend is Rosalie.
Jei-Jei- A bat, and the final member of the three-band group. He's upbeat and comical most of the time, and a master rapper.
Rosalie- A cat. A total sweetheart and Gilbert's ever-so-loyal girlfriend. Swaps places with Amsterdam as the "fourth ringer" of the three-band group.
Amsterdam- An albino lion. Rosalie's older, adopted brother. He's very book-smart and also quite a bit flamboyant sometimes. Swaps places with Rosalie as the "fourth ringer" of the three-band group. Is gay.
Fender- Jei-Jei's younger brother. A very sweet soul, but still comical at the same time.
WARNING: Very violent and bloody! Read at your own risk!
So without further ado, here it is.
“Hey, Benji, you there man!? This is where you told me to meet you, right?”
Worried voice bounced off the frigid stone walls as the stout bat, Jei-Jei, nervously stood in place, not daring to make a movement. His large creamy-orange ears, speckled with white, were pinned back against his head, exposing the green bandana around his forehead to its full, and his copper eyes were wide with fear. Needless to say, he was deathly terrified. Benji had never called for one of the members of their “gang” to come on their own- almost everything between the group of chee-husky, dog, and bat was typically done in groups of 2 or 3. If any of them ever got called by someone else to talk on their own, there was a problem. A very serious problem, whose usual outcome was serious consequences, and this meeting, Jei-Jei knew, was no exception. Between the overwhelming amount of stress in the room and the sound of echoing footsteps coming from a far part of the corridor, Jei-Jei attempted to put on a brave face. His only hope was that the punishment for whatever he had done (he wasn’t actually really sure what he had done, really) wasn’t too severe.
“B-Benji!? Is…is t-that you?” Jei-Jei ventured again, a tinge of fear in his voice. He could hear the footsteps getting closer towards his direction, and the echo increasing in volume and pace. The bat gulped, sweat beading down his forehead. What the hell was going on!?
Out of the ebony shadows, a muscular blue-and-yellow figure lunged at the speckled bat. His eyes narrowed and his lips drew back, a toothy snarl crossing his maw. Reflexing, Jei-Jei automatically shot upwards several feet above the chee-husky’s head, wings beating desperately.
“Benj! Man, what’s your deal!?” he called down.
Benji, however, snarled up at the bat, his saffron eyes filled with fury. “TRAITOR!” he growled deeply, jumping upwards and clawing at Jei-Jei, just able to scrape his lower body. Thick red blood bubbled from where Benji’s claws had struck, dribbling downwards and crossing like lattice lines over the various white spots on his body. The crimson liquid dripped down onto the stone, the drip echoing off the walls, and some of the liquid stained the chee-husky’s ivory claws. Jei-Jei began to wobble mid-flight, the wounds stinging and causing him to lose concentration. All too quickly, the bat fell out of the air and landed hard on his back on the slate gray stone floor, a hollow thudding sound reverberating off the walls.
The snarls intensified as Benji hunched over the bat, his ears flat against his head, and face right in Jei-Jei’s.
“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s going on!” he growled viciously, eyes narrowing. “You and Gilbert have been disloyal to me. Planning to usurp the leader of the group! Trying to get rid of me!”
Jei-Jei’s eyes were completely locked on Benji’s blazing golden orbs, each one filled to the brim with fury. Before he could squeak a few words out, he felt the heavy paw swipe down on his abdomen. It burned like hell, mass blood flowing from the claw’s raking. He was definite that he couldn’t get up at this point. With the remaining strength he had, Jei-Jei sat up, slowly moving onto his feet. He trembled as he stood, violent shakes taking over his whole body. He coughed slightly, several splatters of blood immediately pouring out and decorating the ground. Benji whipped around to see his prey upright, and let out a roar as he lunged in for the kill.
“Oh, but that’s not all!” the chee-husky practically roared, swiping his paw again and pinning the bat back down where he was. “There’s another part to this story!”
Jei-Jei trembled violently underneath the heaviness of the paw. He could feel his heart thudding in his chest at a rabbit’s pace, and could hear it pounding in his ears. It was hard for him to focus on the whole speech Benji was giving him. But somehow, he could hear anyway.
“So when your ol’ ‘pal’ Gilbert got that frou-frou girl of his… well, it was the final straw. You all turned against me. Stopped spending time with the leader and instead left me alone to fend for myself!!” Benji was now directly in Jei-Jei’s face, snarling violently and his hot breath billowing on him.
“And… if I recall correctly… we swore never to do that, didn’t we!? Never to leave each other’s side, never to try and stage an mutiny…”
He traced the side of Jei-Jei’s head with his claw, ripping apart the green bandana around Jei-Jei’s head and blood bubbling up onto the surface of one of his spots, the white hairs being stained by the ruby liquid. Jei-Jei let out a slight whimper as Benji continued to do this, raking his claws up and down the sides of the bat’s stout body. It stung like hell, causing Jei-Jei to wriggle uncomfortably in his own pool of blood.
“Well, no more. Now, it is time for me to get my revenge.” A sadistic smile, filled to the brim with malice, crept upon the chee-husky’s face as he lifted the paw on Jei-Jei, rising it back up into the air. Jei-Jei’s eyes widened in shock and pure horror, almost all the blood drained from it. This was the end. He was going to die.
His memories swirled around in his head like a vortex. There he saw it- right before his eyes. Time seemed to slow as he experienced his life once more. The happy years of being a toddler, getting to play with his mommy and daddy a lot. Going to pre-school and meeting Benji, Gilbert, and Rosalie for the first time. Having no cares in the world as he played with his friends and advanced through school. The day his sweet young brother, Fender, was born in 2nd grade, and he was filled with both happiness and a little jealousy. Spending a lot of time with his parents and going on a big family reunion. Building a withstanding friendship with the dog and the chee-husky. Forming their “gang” and trying to act cool all the time. Filming videos together and running around like loons. Meeting Amsterdam, Rosalie’s gay older brother for the first time. Separating bit by bit from Benji and getting closer to Gilbert and Rosalie. And now, he was awaiting his death in an old stone building.
“Welcome to your demise, brother.”
And in a flash, the paw struck downwards and Jei-Jei was killed.
And for those not familiar with the characters mentioned:
Benji- A chee-husky (cheetah/husky hybrid) who was the "leader" of the three-band group. Used to be a little bit of a bully, but is now malicious and bloodthirsty.
Gilbert- A chocolate lab mix, and a member of the three-band group. Very laid-back and chill most of the time. His girlfriend is Rosalie.
Jei-Jei- A bat, and the final member of the three-band group. He's upbeat and comical most of the time, and a master rapper.
Rosalie- A cat. A total sweetheart and Gilbert's ever-so-loyal girlfriend. Swaps places with Amsterdam as the "fourth ringer" of the three-band group.
Amsterdam- An albino lion. Rosalie's older, adopted brother. He's very book-smart and also quite a bit flamboyant sometimes. Swaps places with Rosalie as the "fourth ringer" of the three-band group. Is gay.
Fender- Jei-Jei's younger brother. A very sweet soul, but still comical at the same time.
WARNING: Very violent and bloody! Read at your own risk!
So without further ado, here it is.
The Death of Jei-Jei
“Hey, Benji, you there man!? This is where you told me to meet you, right?”
Worried voice bounced off the frigid stone walls as the stout bat, Jei-Jei, nervously stood in place, not daring to make a movement. His large creamy-orange ears, speckled with white, were pinned back against his head, exposing the green bandana around his forehead to its full, and his copper eyes were wide with fear. Needless to say, he was deathly terrified. Benji had never called for one of the members of their “gang” to come on their own- almost everything between the group of chee-husky, dog, and bat was typically done in groups of 2 or 3. If any of them ever got called by someone else to talk on their own, there was a problem. A very serious problem, whose usual outcome was serious consequences, and this meeting, Jei-Jei knew, was no exception. Between the overwhelming amount of stress in the room and the sound of echoing footsteps coming from a far part of the corridor, Jei-Jei attempted to put on a brave face. His only hope was that the punishment for whatever he had done (he wasn’t actually really sure what he had done, really) wasn’t too severe.
“B-Benji!? Is…is t-that you?” Jei-Jei ventured again, a tinge of fear in his voice. He could hear the footsteps getting closer towards his direction, and the echo increasing in volume and pace. The bat gulped, sweat beading down his forehead. What the hell was going on!?
Out of the ebony shadows, a muscular blue-and-yellow figure lunged at the speckled bat. His eyes narrowed and his lips drew back, a toothy snarl crossing his maw. Reflexing, Jei-Jei automatically shot upwards several feet above the chee-husky’s head, wings beating desperately.
“Benj! Man, what’s your deal!?” he called down.
Benji, however, snarled up at the bat, his saffron eyes filled with fury. “TRAITOR!” he growled deeply, jumping upwards and clawing at Jei-Jei, just able to scrape his lower body. Thick red blood bubbled from where Benji’s claws had struck, dribbling downwards and crossing like lattice lines over the various white spots on his body. The crimson liquid dripped down onto the stone, the drip echoing off the walls, and some of the liquid stained the chee-husky’s ivory claws. Jei-Jei began to wobble mid-flight, the wounds stinging and causing him to lose concentration. All too quickly, the bat fell out of the air and landed hard on his back on the slate gray stone floor, a hollow thudding sound reverberating off the walls.
The snarls intensified as Benji hunched over the bat, his ears flat against his head, and face right in Jei-Jei’s.
“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s going on!” he growled viciously, eyes narrowing. “You and Gilbert have been disloyal to me. Planning to usurp the leader of the group! Trying to get rid of me!”
Jei-Jei’s eyes were completely locked on Benji’s blazing golden orbs, each one filled to the brim with fury. Before he could squeak a few words out, he felt the heavy paw swipe down on his abdomen. It burned like hell, mass blood flowing from the claw’s raking. He was definite that he couldn’t get up at this point. With the remaining strength he had, Jei-Jei sat up, slowly moving onto his feet. He trembled as he stood, violent shakes taking over his whole body. He coughed slightly, several splatters of blood immediately pouring out and decorating the ground. Benji whipped around to see his prey upright, and let out a roar as he lunged in for the kill.
“Oh, but that’s not all!” the chee-husky practically roared, swiping his paw again and pinning the bat back down where he was. “There’s another part to this story!”
Jei-Jei trembled violently underneath the heaviness of the paw. He could feel his heart thudding in his chest at a rabbit’s pace, and could hear it pounding in his ears. It was hard for him to focus on the whole speech Benji was giving him. But somehow, he could hear anyway.
“So when your ol’ ‘pal’ Gilbert got that frou-frou girl of his… well, it was the final straw. You all turned against me. Stopped spending time with the leader and instead left me alone to fend for myself!!” Benji was now directly in Jei-Jei’s face, snarling violently and his hot breath billowing on him.
“And… if I recall correctly… we swore never to do that, didn’t we!? Never to leave each other’s side, never to try and stage an mutiny…”
He traced the side of Jei-Jei’s head with his claw, ripping apart the green bandana around Jei-Jei’s head and blood bubbling up onto the surface of one of his spots, the white hairs being stained by the ruby liquid. Jei-Jei let out a slight whimper as Benji continued to do this, raking his claws up and down the sides of the bat’s stout body. It stung like hell, causing Jei-Jei to wriggle uncomfortably in his own pool of blood.
“Well, no more. Now, it is time for me to get my revenge.” A sadistic smile, filled to the brim with malice, crept upon the chee-husky’s face as he lifted the paw on Jei-Jei, rising it back up into the air. Jei-Jei’s eyes widened in shock and pure horror, almost all the blood drained from it. This was the end. He was going to die.
His memories swirled around in his head like a vortex. There he saw it- right before his eyes. Time seemed to slow as he experienced his life once more. The happy years of being a toddler, getting to play with his mommy and daddy a lot. Going to pre-school and meeting Benji, Gilbert, and Rosalie for the first time. Having no cares in the world as he played with his friends and advanced through school. The day his sweet young brother, Fender, was born in 2nd grade, and he was filled with both happiness and a little jealousy. Spending a lot of time with his parents and going on a big family reunion. Building a withstanding friendship with the dog and the chee-husky. Forming their “gang” and trying to act cool all the time. Filming videos together and running around like loons. Meeting Amsterdam, Rosalie’s gay older brother for the first time. Separating bit by bit from Benji and getting closer to Gilbert and Rosalie. And now, he was awaiting his death in an old stone building.
“Welcome to your demise, brother.”
And in a flash, the paw struck downwards and Jei-Jei was killed.
