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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 3, 2012 18:27:40 GMT -5
Kitexa: James Xavier Namacub95: Emily Clearwater Plus, whoever else enters this RP
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To say Emily was nervous would be a massive understatement. Emily was not nervous, she'd never been nervous. No, for the past months she had been utterly terrified most of the time.
Everything had gone wrong. So badly wrong that she often wondered if perhaps there was a malevolent force at work determined to make everyone's lives as close to a living hell as possible. How else could things have turned out the way they had?
James...she'd hoped that she'd never fear him as she did now but he had changed. Gone was the dorky, sometimes immature but overall amazing man she had fallen for so completely, instead only an angry hateful shell remained. She blames Vivian for that, whatever she had done to him...she didn't want to even think.
And she...she was pregnant with James' child. A hand carefully traced the growing bump that had formed on her stomach and felt a small flutter of movement in response. James didn't know, she'd been careful to keep the news from him, she was terrified he'd lash out. She'd taken to wearing clothing several sizes too big and hiding herself away in her room, only Logan and Raven knew and if James had noticed her change in demeanour and clothing style then he hadn't voiced it aloud.
But today would change all that. She couldn't hide the truth forever. In a few months time she would have to deliver a new life into the world and she couldn't hide that. James would have to know, know that the child growing within her was his, conceived after one night of love after his rescue.
But still she hesitated, standing outside his bedroom. She had readjusted her jumper two sizes too big for her several times and couldn't find the courage to raise her hand and knock at the door. She was sure James hated her now, he hated her for gifting him with immortality...but he wouldn't harm his own child...right?
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 3, 2012 19:55:01 GMT -5
He could feel her outside her room. That chaotic, terrified, bleeding heart and mind flitting up and down in circles inside her head.
Her.
That...HER. Summed it up about right. It was HER fault, HER curse placed on him; everything done by HER was the reason he'd gone through hell and back.
He'd missed his father's last days because of HER.
He'd cashed in bonding time with his family because of HER.
He'd spent a year under the treacherous hand of that fucking ice queen because of HER.
He couldn't fucking DIE because of HER.
Every damn thing that went wrong in this horrid little thing he called "existence" stemmed from HER and he wanted no more to do with it. Time travel, universe hopping, saving the world, NONE of it. He'd spent so much time doing so much good and for WHAT.
Exactly.
There was no answering that question. There WAS no answer. Life had chewed him up and spit him out over and over and OVER again and he was DONE.
Done with Emily. Done with EVERYTHING.
Staring dejectedly from his bed up at the ceiling, he shoved a wave negative emotions her way; get the fuck out and leave me alone.
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 1:15:00 GMT -5
His mind hit her's like a brick wall. Hate and anger filled her mind and she had to steady herself against the door.
He hated her. She loved him.
She knew it was her fault. She knew that she had made a mistake giving him her regenerations. Did she regret it? Yes and no. She didn't regret giving him life, returning him from the dead, she would never regret that...but giving him all of her lives. All of her countless lives, she did regret that. She should have thought, should have known something would go wrong like this...she had made the mistake and James suffered for it. No amount of apologies or regret would make him better, this was all her doing.
He was justified in his hate.
No. We need to talk. This is...it's very important...just hear me out.
She tried to sound firm. She wasn't doing this for herself, she had their child to think about now. James needed to know. He had a right to know. The child within her was his, she couldn't hide the truth forever no matter how hard she wished she could.
He shouldn't have to suffer because she had made a mistake and neither should their child.
She turned the handle and pushed the door open cautiously.
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 1:50:35 GMT -5
James did not retract his telepathy, nor did he turn to face Emily as she entered the room. If she wanted his attention, she'd have to do a DAMN lot to earn it from him. She was lucky he'd spoken to her at all after what she'd done to him.
What do you WANT. The young man snapped, mental voice as cold as his faded gold eyes.
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 1:58:18 GMT -5
"To talk." she replied to his mental message "I've got something I need to tell you. It's really important."
She took two hesitant steps inside the room and closed the door softly behind her. If fireworks did erupt, which she was pretty certain they would, she didn't want to have everyone in Xavier Institute privy to it. This was supposed to be between her and James only.
Whatever happened next...this was on her. If she messed this up then it would go on her long list of mistakes.
"H-How are you feeling?" she asked like she always did, she knew the answer but considering what she was going to tell James in less than five minutes...she felt she should know what kind of minefield she was stepping into with their child.
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 2:16:16 GMT -5
How was he feeling. Wasn't THAT the most understated question of the year. James scoffed, though it sounded far more like a bitter, chiding laugh. "How do you think I feel." He spat, finally shooting her a glare. "Ten guesses, Em. I'm a walking example of 1001 lovely ways to die but I can't kick the bucket myself." the words were tight, boiling with agonized fury at the girl hovering by the door. Her face, eyes, gave away something of importance and had he any desire at ALL to peer inside her head, he would have.
But he didn't. James Xavier did not give a damn what Emily Clearwater had to say. NOTHING out of her mouth could possible rectify 365 days worth of barbaric torture.
Couldn't fix his inability to die.
So he just lay there, staring hard at her, waiting for her to speak so she could go back to her life and leave him alone to rot.
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 2:25:08 GMT -5
Emily frowned, she wanted so badly to cross the room and sit by his side but she knew that he wouldn't let her. She was all his hate in human form. He wouldn't accept her help no mater how much she wanted to give it to him. No amount of 'I love you's was going to fix him, no amount of caring and emotion she showed would make any difference now.
Only he could help himself, in the end. She could help but everything was down to him.
"I know...and I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry." her voice was soft and she hoped that James would believe her "I never meant for...I didn't know that something like this would happen. It's all my fault, I know that and I wish I could have helped you...I really do."
But she would never take back what she did. She'd given him life and she'd never regret that in a thousand years.
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 2:44:14 GMT -5
"Well you can't." The telepath dismissed, training his gaze back to the ceiling. "You can't fix me, and apologizing as though that'll actually DO anything is a waste of time." His eyes closed, a deep frown settling on his face. "If that's all you came here to say, then get out."
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 2:54:21 GMT -5
"No." her voice was firm "I'm not leaving. Not until you listen to me."
Emily pushed herself to walk forwards so she stood in front of James. She wasn't going to give up on him so easily. He may hate her but she loved him, the child within her proved that. She still believed he could be saved, she still hoped and prayed he would come back, for her, for the child within her...for everyone.
She was still terrified, if he hated her then how would he react when she told him? Would he hate her more? Would he lash out? Or would he not care at all, somehow that seemed worse than if he got angry. Her father had told her that hate wasn't the opposite to love, indifference was. If James hated her, she could deal with that because at least he had some emotion still left...if he didn't care at all then that would break her.
"I know you hate me." she said "I know that but this isn't about me. I don't matter. I know I've hurt you and I know this is my fault but...I just want you to listen to me...that's all I want."
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 3:14:36 GMT -5
At last, James sat up. Not because he cared what she had to say, not because of her worry or fear or determined anxiousness or WHATEVER, but because it was clear she wouldn't get out of his room until he heard her out.
"FINE." James growled, glaring at her through the tufts of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. "Tell me what the fuck you want and be done with it."
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 3:25:41 GMT -5
Maybe it was hormones or maybe it was because she had a death wish but suddenly she was angry at him. Blindingly, homicidally angry with him.
"Stop it!" she shouted at him, all her frustration and fear coming out in one shout "Just stop it! You weren't the only person who suffered! We thought you were gone! We thought you'd died, James! We didn't know where you were and we searched everywhere! People told us you were never coming back! How do you think that felt? Huh? How do you think that fucking felt? How do you think your mother felt? She was crying herself to sleep almost every night thinking she'd lost you forever! Logan, god, he was the only thing that kept us going! He pushed and pushed to find you and he never gave up!"
She was now screaming at him, she didn't know why she'd become so angry so quickly but she couldn't stop herself. Her brain was screaming at her to shut up and walk away but she didn't. He needed to hear this. She needed to get this out of her system.
"And now your this!" she gestured madly at him "You don't get how happy we all were when we found you! You went through some really messed up and horrible shit and I know that but you think that you're the only person who had to suffer! Don't--just no!"
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 3:41:15 GMT -5
"I wasn't the only one who suffered!?" The telepath snarled, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and standing stiffly. A fire roared behind his eyes; golden flame flickering with a burning rage. "'Don't - you - DARE say that! Yeah. Great, FINE. You were worried, scared, in tears whatever I don't give a SHIT and you know why?" He huffed, trembling before her, fists clenched tightly. "Because through all that, none of you, not a single fucking one, went through what I did. I DIED, Emily. Over. And Over. AND OVER AGAIN!! I was cut, suffocated, sodomized until I bled out and NOWHERE during that time could I see death as a way out because you thought it would be a GREAT idea to give me your stupid regenerative powers!" He was nose to nose with her now, breathing hard, fuming; broken, furious agony stapled to his face. "Do you KNOW how that feels? Looking forward to nothing, not even your END, to save you from the hands of a psychotic sadist?! DO YOU?!"
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 3:52:17 GMT -5
Emily was toe to toe with James, looking up at him into his blazing eyes. She was afraid. He was bigger than her, stronger than her and could probably pick apart her mind within a seconds notice. She was fragile, moreso than before. She should step back, she should stop before things went too far. She was playing a very dangerous game with not only her own life on the line but her child's as well, their child's life.
But she couldn't help it.
She spaced her hands on his chest and shoved him back. She needed space. He was too close. Too close to almost finding out the truth about her before she could tell him. This was getting too personal.
"Don't you think I hate myself for making you suffer? Do you think I don't care that you went through that and it's all on my head? I made a mistake! I was stupid! I was impulsive! I didn't think it through...but I don't regret it? You know why? Because you were dead! You were lying there, lifeless, and I was alone and scared and that was my fault too! I failed you, James! I let you die! You don't know what that felt like! So...I did the only thing I thought I could! I gave you life, all of it! Maybe I shouldn't have given you all of my regenerations but when you opened your eyes again...when you breathed again and when you looked at me it was one of the happiest moments of my life!"
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Post by Kitexa on Jul 4, 2012 4:18:39 GMT -5
He'd flinched sharply when she'd pushed him and for a moment all sorts of violent retaliations sprang to his mind; shove her slap her punch her twist her mind make her feel what you feel--
That train of thought severed when she'd uttered her final defense.
"Happiest..." a laugh, a very DARK, fractured little laugh wiggled from his throat. "...happiest moment of your life." Laughter died, that darkness seeping into his features. "Keyword being MOMENT. See, moments, Emily, they don't last." Tone dropped further, growing distant, memories, so many memories, flashing before his eyes. "They NEVER last. For every happy little glimpse a storm of all the suck, all the pain, all that's wrong with this fucked up world drenches you with misery and you realize those stupid little moments mean NOTHING. Not one. Damn. THING."
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Post by Namacub95 on Jul 4, 2012 4:33:06 GMT -5
"Shut up! Just shut the hell up!"
She was breathing heavily, she could feel the tears threatening in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She wouldn't let herself be weak. She needed all her strength. The baby was shifting inside her, pushing and squirming as if she could feel her parents' anger and wanted them to stop. The movement stopped her, killing the angry tirade just waiting on her tongue. Reminded her that she wasn't alone. She had their child to think of.
"No...just...I can't do this." her tone wasn't angry anymore. She was tired, so very tired. She didn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks "I can't, James. I need you...please. I can't...I just can't."
She should leave. Leave and let James hate her as much as he liked or let him calm down and try again. She still had months to go before their child was due, months to plan and to prepare herself but months would be useless without him. She needed to tell him. He had the right to know.
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